DO S2 3 How to Dream | Living Your Dream

 

A lot is going on in our lives, and because of our busy lives, sometimes we fail to live our dream. So, what is the point of life if it stops us from living our dreams? How are you dreaming and pressing forward with things you feel called to move forward? In today’s episode, Julia Gentry and Travis Gentry shed light on making it possible to live your dream amidst a busy life. If other people can be successful, then so can you! Tune in as Julia and Travis share their perspectives and give light to these questions so you can move forward!

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How To Chase Your Dreams In The Midst Of A Busy Life

I’m super excited.

Here’s why he’s excited. Right before we started, he shared with me some new information. He’s suggesting that he’s going to change the trajectory of his life. I thought it would be good to share.

You can speed up when you are listening to a video or teaching. I just found that out. It’s not new but new to me. It’s amazing. I can listen to the content and the teaching way quicker. I can get through more stuff. Never say you don’t have time because you can speed up time on a video and listen to it quicker.

Is that possible in real-time with humans? Have you ever been in a conversation with someone, and they are talking so slow that you are like, “I will help you get to the end of the sentence faster?” I will admit I am one of the fastest talkers, processors, and all that. As soon as you told me, that was immediately what went through my mind like, “How do we make this a real tool?”

It’s like Zootopia. It’s the sloth behind the calendar. Sometimes, you are like, “Let’s get to the point here.”

For everyone who didn’t know about this tool, this is free. There is no extra charge. You can listen to things faster and quicker. It’s a good segue into what we are talking about. In our Facebook group, I posted that the show is going live again. We would love to hear your thoughts on any topic that you want us to be talking about. We have a lot. I have a whole list. You all wait for those of you who gave us feedback. One of the ones that stuck out to me was, “How do you dream in the midst of life?” That is exactly what we are talking about.

To give insight into what this question meant, “How do you dream in the midst of life?” They continue to say, “Busy, no time, schedules, work, and career.” You name it. We probably all have a laundry list. It’s important to dive in and hopefully give you some different perspectives with the way that Travis and I look at how we’ve tackled our dreams in different seasons and how we think about them. That’s what we are going to jump into with, “How do you dream in the midst of “life”?”

How do you dream in the midst of five kids?

I listen to things faster. I’m going to look at my kids and be like, “Come on, let’s go faster. Talk faster.”

Speed up the things that you want to go faster and slow down the things that you want to enjoy.

Ask me your question again.

How are you and/or how do you dream in the midst of everything that you’ve got going on with your book, curriculum, speaking, and going into churches? You are shifting the business model for yourself, five kids, all under the age of eight, and me in your own time. You’ve got a lot of different things that you are balancing. How are you dreaming and pressing forward with things that you feel are called to move forward and new ideas and new things you’ve never done before? Some of the things that you are doing in business and with the book, you haven’t done, and you’ve had these thoughts and dreams but how are you taking action in the midst of everything else and having a six-week-old?

Where the greatest a-ha and the impetus to write the book was I remember that day when I was walking into the bathroom, there was this elderly lady who was walking out, and she bumped into me as I was walking in. I said to her, “How are you doing?” I figured it’s what we do if we are going to bump into each other. We at least acknowledge each other. She says, “Living the dream.” It was tongue-in-cheek and super sarcastic. I figured I had nothing to lose, so I turned around and said, “Why aren’t you living the dream?”

Here, in theory, was a lady who was of the age that she should be living the dream. She looked to be that retirement age. It looked like she should be living the dream. She should be seeing the world, doing things, and living out her vision board. I said, “Why aren’t you living the dream?” She doesn’t turn around. She doesn’t make eye contact with me and says, “Life.” It was at that point that a huge shift within me of, “If life is stopping us from living our dreams, then what is the point of life?”

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That was a catalyst to start reorganizing my priorities. I didn’t want my dreams to be something I compartmentalized. I wanted my life to be my dream. I wanted to be building my dreams and call it life as opposed to living life and then chasing my dreams. It’s like I had to pull that all the way back, change the messaging, the mindset, and the attack, and say, “I want my dreams to be my life.”

I won’t disagree with the fact or hide the fact that that doesn’t make this all glamorous, though. Even as I was falling asleep, all the logistics of all of the things, “Did I kiss all the babies? Did I see all their faces? Did you and I even have a conversation longer than five minutes? Did I do all the things for my operations director that needed to be done? Are we going to hit our numbers? Does my bank account have money in it?” In all the things that you find yourself, that’s still real but it’s an alignment with what you want most. That was the biggest thing for me.

I would say what we’ve seen throughout the years as we’ve gone after and pursued different dreams is that some people say, “Find a balance.” I don’t agree with that. There are seasons or times in your life when it is going to be a little unbalanced. You have to put more effort and energy into something until it becomes second nature or it becomes natural. It’s the perception of, “I’ve got all these things going on.” You got to understand for yourself, “This isn’t going to be forever but I’ve got to put more attention to this area of my life.”

I feel like for us when we traveled the country in an RV. That was where our attention was. It was out of balance but that was for a specific time. You will always have these things going on. You always have kids. You always have me. You always have the business and pursue the book but there’s also a time when it’s like, “I need to put more tension.” That’s what you are doing. You also hired someone that’s helping you, which is expediting it and putting your time plus her time towards your dream.

Let’s dive into what you said first. It is important for us to look at that concept of balance. I am with you. That balance comes from a desire to have safety, security, and stability. There is nothing wrong with that but it is a survival need. It’s not a thriving need. It’s not a growth need. It’s something that I need to feel stable and secure in my life.

The problem with it is that as long as we are seeking balance, we are never going to be successful in one area of our life. To your point, it’s almost like I’m trying to keep everything equal, which means I can’t excel in another area of our life. The next step is communicating with the people that are in your lives that this is where you are at.

You and I go back and forth with this all the time with our work. We want to be with our kids, and then if we are with the kids, we’re like, “I got to be working.” I’ve noticed that the times that you and I sit down with each other or with the kids and say, “This is important to me. Mommy is working not because I have to, but because I want to,” it shows our kids and gives them the opportunity to say, “What’s important to you,” and to back you. I know that you have been staying up later and getting up earlier. I noticed that even with Malachi, we are saying that to him like, “Daddy is studying. He’s learning.” It is including the rest of your world, so they don’t feel less of a priority but that they know what you are doing. That’s important, too.

It is so they can be a part of your process. That’s a good point. I could probably even do a better job with the kids because I am on my phone or on the computer probably more so than I want to be in the future. I’m learning a new skill that I’m super passionate about it. I love it but it’s taking a lot of time because it’s all new. It’s a new language. It’s a new strategy.

I believe in communicating with the people and the loved ones around you and letting them know what you are doing, whether it’s friends and you are like, “For the next 3 to 6 months, I’m not going to be around as much because I’m pursuing this. I would love your support.” As opposed to the judgment of saying, “You are never around. You don’t call me.” “That’s because I’m going after something that I feel called to do.”

Sometimes, it is calling the elephant in the room and using our words, which we will talk about in the next episode when we unpack how to have better conversations and dreams together. If you don’t, you are right. It leaves this huge space of, “I’m not important to you.” For your friends, “You are not calling me back.” Even for me, I start to play that guilt card out in my head. As long as I am spinning in guilt, I have no way to throw myself at it completely. I’m so focused on all the other things I’m not doing, which stacks the emotions in the direction I don’t want to go.

In any dream that you have in the midst of life, you have to let go of certain things and stack your time. You are like, “I used to do or do these things but I want this result.” You’ve got to let go of certain things. Fully embracing and submerging yourself in whatever that is that you are doing, you are going to get better results quicker. With you and the book, you have to look at where you are at, where you want to go, what is the best-case and worst-case scenarios with your decisions, and realistically, how much time it’s going to take. You need to have a plan and a vision of what it is.

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Like what you are doing with Cami, you are doubling your time. It’s a risk but you are like, “I’m spending a certain amount of time. I want to get there quicker, faster, so I’m going to hire someone to help me.” If it’s just you in whatever you are pursuing or working out, you have to put more time there to get the results quicker. It’s prioritizing and being realistic with yourself about what your expectation is.

If it’s that important to you, you must let go of a few things you used to do to get those results. At some point, as you build this out, you can hire someone else that will help even more, and it won’t take as much time. That’s the whole point of it. It’s not to work harder and longer. It’s to work harder and, at some point, less.

You hit on two points. Depending upon you, as a reader, where you are at is either you are like, “I don’t have the ability to have extra leverage now,” which is what hiring employees would be. If I’m hiring people or recruiting people to do more for me, that’s leverage. At some point, that’s the big chasm. It feels like you are taking a few steps back to take a couple of steps forward, whether you are doing the strategic planning, investing in someone else’s payroll or you are all these things, that’s called leverage. One way to do this is to build out some leverage.

The other way is to your point, and I hate this but it always resonates so much. It’s never that you don’t have enough time. It’s where you put your priorities. At some level, you have to train yourself to put your dreams on your to-do list first. I have an hour in the morning, and so do you. Sometimes, I do quiet time, and sometimes, I get it done. I had 50 minutes and went, “God, I love you.” I spent five minutes of quiet with him, and then I dove into all of the things that I needed to get done. That’s because I’m like, “This is a priority. My kids are a priority. This show is a priority.”

I have a lot of priorities but it’s my job to put those priorities at the top of the list and then attack the rest of the to-do list. It’s the busyness of life or the shuffle and bustle. It’s the, “I got to get groceries. I got to pay this bill and have to do all these things.” I get that. Generally, those things will come and find me but I have to be the one to put the most important tasks that won’t come and find me at the top of my list. If we do that, to your point, over time, that adds up.

What would you say is the number one thing within the Facebook group or people that you talk to that prohibits them from pursuing their dream?

We would have to do another episode but long story short, it’s going to be your limiting belief.

What else, externally? That’s internal, and I agree. Let’s do an episode on that. What would be external that people use it as a crutch?

It’s money. That’s another episode, too.

We will talk about that.

Everyone is like, “Travis is about to jump in.” Preach it.

It’s not money. Tony Robbin says it is resourcefulness. You may have time but no money. I had a great conversation. I went fishing with a friend of mine, and we talked about a bunch of different things. We talked about this. Specifically, in real estate, I have been to so many meetups, workshops, and all that. Probably the biggest thing is money. It’s not money. It’s resourcefulness and the knowledge that you need to be able to put the pieces together. If you went and served someone, you don’t need money. You just need your time. Go serve someone. Go volunteer. Go help a successful investor to see exactly what they do and how they do it.

We’ve done that a couple of times throughout the years, and come along, the people that have helped me, specifically, to the next level in investing and see things I haven’t seen and to experience it. That is what you need. Especially in real estate, it’s walking along with someone to see exactly what they do and how they do it and put the pieces together. It rubs off of like, “I now see it.”

You can limit your downside but you are gaining the knowledge base that you need because it’s not about money. It truly is about being resourceful. It is like, “If I want to go pursue whatever industry that I want, there’s someone out there that has the results that I want.” Either spend time reading and researching how they did it or go see if you can serve them. Volunteer or do an internship but don’t ask for anything. Don’t ask to get paid.

Go because you are going to get so much more. There’s a misconception. People spend tens of thousands of dollars to go to college for someone to teach them something when there are so many people out there that you can go serve and gain so much knowledge for free, money-wise. You are just putting in the time.

We could do probably episode after episode on this idea of money. The biggest game changer for you and I because all of us are money programs. There are tons of books on this idea. In a lot of us, it is based upon growing up, what we saw or didn’t see, or had or didn’t have. We tackle our lives through this filter of whatever that money program is. The biggest shift for us that I would share with people came from you when you said, “It’s never that we don’t have enough money. It’s how can we.” What that does is it takes you into that mindset of resourcefulness.

It’s too easy to go, “I don’t have enough money,” done. There’s my answer. It might be true on paper. You could have $0 in the bank account or you don’t have a job. On paper, what we don’t want to do is not suggest that what you are saying might not be fact but the last time I checked also, the fact doesn’t always mean truth. It’s almost like Malachi. He said, “Google or Siri said the other day.” I go, “Just because it’s on Google or Siri said, it doesn’t mean that actually true.”

The idea here is that you are not approaching life from a survival mindset of, “There’s not enough money.” It’s shifting the narrative to go, “How can I? What do I not know? What do I need to learn? Is there a thing called leverage?” It is all the different things. There is a way to overcome that obstacle but it is one of those that most people hit and shut down. It’s almost like, “I don’t have to take responsibility or figure out how to be resourceful, or overcome that mental block. It is what it is.” That goes back to mindset. It doesn’t have to be what it is unless you want it to be what it is. That was a game-changer for us.

Most people, in the analogy of driving a car, live in the rearview mirror. They live looking backward as opposed to forwards. They were like, “I haven’t. Here’s where I’m at but how can I? Who has the information, knowledge or resources that I don’t have that I can bring something to the table to inch my way closer and gain the skillset or the resources to be able to do what I want to do long-term?”

We so often look at, “Where I’m at? This didn’t happen or that didn’t happen.” We are going to the wrong people and getting advice as far as real estate investing, stock trading or whatever it may be. You ask the wrong person. They have an experience, and they say, “It doesn’t work or it’s a scam,” then you don’t even pursue it. It is making sure that you go to the right people.

We’ve talked about this so many times. We are like, “If someone is successful and they can be successful, why not me?” whatever area that is. We are like, “If they can have a better body, make more money or be successful doing this in this industry, why not me?” The only thing from being successful and from where I am is the actions, mindset, limiting beliefs, and all the things that prohibit me. A lot of it is internal. It’s not external. It starts in your head and heart of like, “I can’t.”

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I was even talking with a guy. This was the very first session, so he had no idea what he was walking into. I said, “If there’s one area in your life that you could change where you are not getting the results that you want, what would it be?” He shared that he has been in multiple relationships. It goes well until all of a sudden, it feels like they are taking his focus from his daughter and God. He says, “I quit the relationship. I break up with them only to find out later that I love them.” I’m like, “Is this a pattern?” He says, “Yes. I feel like I need to protect my daughter and other things are more important.” I said, “Let’s tackle this from a deeper-rooted mindset.”

I come to find out his limiting belief is, “I’m not safe. I need to protect myself from you because you are going to hurt me.” Instantly, I was like, “Do you see how it’s the belief around you needing to protect yourself from people that keep you from having an intimate relationship?” All of a sudden, fireworks went off in his head. He was like, “That’s exactly what I do.” He goes, “I protect and go numb. I, all of a sudden, retreat and act like they are not important when they are.” I’m like, “That’s because you are a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

It’s so important to understand what our limiting beliefs are about any given thing. Most of the time, we are saying at some level, “I’m too busy or I don’t have enough time.” We want to be right, so we continue to fulfill these prophecies instead of recognizing them. Tony Robbins says, “The quality of our questions determines the quality of our answers.” Make sure we are asking questions and saying statements that we want to find the answer for. Otherwise, you are going to keep fulfilling the prophecy. You are right. There aren’t enough time, money, and resources. You are still a failure. You are still on and on.

We were talking about it too the idea of going after something, especially a workshop. You go to a workshop, and there are typically upsells. They probably have something that you don’t have that you need. A lot of people don’t take action because their thought process is, “What are they going to sell me?” as opposed to rethinking it and saying, “They have the fruit in the area that I’m seeking out.”

It’s like a treasure hunt, “I’m there to gain a new thought or a new idea and some wisdom to get further than I am.” Typically, why you would hire a teacher is to get further faster. You can figure it out on your own. Going back to limiting beliefs of whatever it is that you want to seek out and learn, there’s a book or a workshop on it. A lot of people stop before they start because they go to a workshop and have upsells. I guarantee that if you go with a mindset of, “If I can take 1, 2 or 3 things from this workshop, it could change my life. If that was good, what else do they have that can change my life?”

That’s the interesting thing. I’ve heard you say this to Malachi oftentimes. We start to create a story of what could possibly happen before we even take the next step. What happens is that we think of the dream and all the things that could possibly need to happen, and then we don’t even take the next step because we’ve already created a story in our head around how it’s all going to pan out. To simplify this, too, is to get super clear on where you want to be and then do one thing. The hardest day is the day that you start, and the next hardest day is the day that you want to quit.

It’s even like you and me. When we stopped drinking, we knew the result that we wanted. We knew that we wanted sobriety and that we wanted to bring that to our family. It was an experience for our kids. We knew that to go where we had never gone was an important decision for us. The hardest day was deciding. It was making the decision knowing that once we go live with this and get it tattooed on our bodies, that’s the hardest step because we are all in.

The next we come to find out is the day that you are like, “It would be nice to have a drink. Nobody else cares. Was it that big of a deal?” All of a sudden, your mind starts to play all of these tricks. At some level, the first day is the hardest. Get going, and then don’t stop. Don’t put too much on your plate. Do one thing every day for 365 days. You will look back and have done 365 things. If you are reading going, “I don’t have leverage. I don’t have money,” you do have one step every day that I know is possible for every single person. Don’t overcomplicate this. Dumb it down. Do one thing every day, and then don’t stop.

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Here’s the other thing I would say that I feel prohibits other people and me sometimes. It is putting myself out there and being vulnerable and looking “stupid.” I’m like, “I look stupid. I feel stupid because I should know this or I should be better than that twelve-year-old,” at whatever it may be.

At the skate park.

That’s a perfect example. Going to the skate park with Malachi, my eight-year-old, is better than me at skateboarding. It looks fun. I still have this thought in the back of my mind, “This 8, 12, and 15-year-old are way better than me. I look stupid on a skateboard when I’m 41 years old.” I think about that, and it’s like, “What’s more important to me? At some point, I will probably never see these little kids again.” It’s amazing, though, even as small as that is.

It doesn’t matter in the long run how you can stop yourself from doing and pursuing something because you don’t want to look a certain way to people you don’t even know or people that you do know. That’s probably even harder. It is like with your loved ones when you step out and start pursuing something. When you are not successful, they are not supportive.

I wanted to bring that up because I feel like it’s so important. Number 1) Money is probably the. 2) Is stepping out there. If you’ve stepped out there before and not been successful, and then to do it again and watching your loved ones around you, they start to have this disbelief of, “Here he goes again. They are going to try this or going to pursue this.” They are not supportive. I find that from as small as skateboarding and looking stupid in front of a twelve-year-old or going after and being a real estate investor or stock trader, putting yourself out there thinking, “Everybody knows this information.” When you start to go down that path, 5% of people know that information.

To your point, what that does, being on the other side or giving some input, if you find yourself going, “That’s me. I care what other people think,” that’s an opportunity to check your motive. “Am I doing this for them or am I doing this for me?” We will do it because it’s a great example, “If I’m trying to be a good skateboarder for this fifteen-year-old at the skateboard who I’ve never seen in my life and may never see again or if I’m trying to be the best so that my family will think I’m valuable,” or whatever that is, fill in the blank, “then my motives are wrong.” I’m going to come up short every single time because my family will always have something to say, and the fifteen-year-old may or may not be there. My motives probably need a good gut check to say, “Who am I doing this for? Why am I doing this?”

We don’t always like that tension or the pressure but the rub is so good for us. I feel like what God is doing is that he’s giving us an opportunity to go, “What do you believe? What is most important to you? Where is your head at? Where is your heart at?” Instead of judging the process or ourselves, we probably should be checking back in to go, “That is a fair question. What do I believe right here? What do I want most?”

Like, “I don’t have enough time.” That’s Fair. Good statement. This is almost how you counteract this. The brain is going to go, “We don’t have enough time.” You are going to go,” That’s fair.” Your heart is going to go, “What’s most important here?” Pause and get the answer. When the brain is going to say, “We could be rejected by the people that we love,” pause, reframe it, and ask, “Who am I doing this for?” and then find the answer. I feel like there are these moments that are prime real estate for fanning the flame of belief, and we are missing it and tapping out.

At some point, we lose the child like faith as opposed to we get to a certain age. It comes up like, “I should be at this spot or I should be further ahead in this area, or stepping out.” It means something more than it did when I was twenty. When I was twenty, I didn’t care. The world was endless, and I could do, try, and experience anything. I didn’t perceive failure the same way that I do now. Evil me always wakes up before me. When I wake up, I’m thinking about, “What happened yesterday or the week before?” as opposed to, “This is a new day. What can I accomplish? What do I need to relearn? What thoughts and ideas do I need that I don’t have?” It has a child like faith.

You landed on one more that was brought up in the Facebook group. As we are rounding out this episode, someone put, “I’M AFRAID TO FAIL.” If you think about that, it’s so fair. It makes us all human. We’ve all had that fear. That’s not new. Though, oftentimes, we convince ourselves that we are the only ones that are afraid to fail. Generally, what happens when I decide to avoid failure is that I fail. I’m not even chasing the things that I want most.

You are like, “Define failure. Is failure making a mistake?” I didn’t even try. It is the same. Do you know how in Webster, there are A, B, and C on the different definitions? Failure could be making a mistake. It could be a repetitive pattern, and it could never be even trying. It’s almost like you have to define failure and go, “I could fail by trying.” You are also going to fail by not trying.

Much of this circles on this mindset is at some level, we have to decide, “The dream either needs to be my life.” That is the point of this. It needs to be, “Do I want to compartmentalize this or not?” The whole idea of, “When I get there, then I will chase it. When I get there, then I will have enough money or when I get there, then I will know what I’m doing,” is an illusion.

The timeframe is exactly what you are saying. What is failure? If you tried it for a week and then you stopped, you probably didn’t give it enough time. You’ve got a realistic time on whatever you are trying to pursue, and go after that, you are like, “Okay or I’ve also heard on the other side that I don’t have a timeframe. I’m going to enjoy the journey. I know I can get there because I’ve seen there’s someone else that is successful in this area or has this. I’m not going to quit until I accomplish this, whether it takes a week, year or decade.”

That goes back to the motive. The motive behind this is so great. The manifestation of our dreams isn’t easy. Otherwise, everybody would be doing it. These subtleties are so good to look at because it’s telling us what we believe. It’s giving us insight into how we need to shift our beliefs to support what we want and not what we have.

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I would encourage and challenge you to keep dreaming.

That simple. That’s to the point.

Keep dreaming but also recognize everything that we talked about as far as the money and the fears. If you can get one new thought or new action every single day, it’s going to compound. In 5 months or 5 years, you are going to have the exact life that you always dreamed of.

We hope this is an encouragement to you that it does remind you, as Travis said, that, as a matter of fact, and simple that we need your dreams. The world needs your dreams. We look forward to seeing you on the next episode as we continue to inspire, challenge, and encourage you to Dream On.

 

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